The Delight You Take in Your Body

Dear Peanut,

I’ve been going to physical therapy lately—nothing serious, just strengthening my middle-aged back. As my therapist gives me pointers on how to conduct daily activities, she reminds me, “When you lift heavy objects, be like a three or four year old who hasn’t developed bad habits yet. Have you ever noticed when little kids need to move something heavy, they bend their knees and use their legs to help support the weight of the object?”

Well, I have noticed, because that’s the way you, Peanut, move heavy things. And you hold your back up so straight. And you burst into dance for any reason at all—celebration, silliness, even anger. I am grateful for the health and robust energy that pulses through you. I watch how you completely inhabit your body, Peanut, and it fills me with utter satisfaction.

What's more, right now, you allow me total access to your body. With winter upon us, you and I have a nightly routine of moisturizing your tender skin so that it doesn’t dry out and become itchy. It’s one of my favorite moments of the day. I take every hug and snuggle that I can, knowing the day will come when you push me away rather than draw me closer and when the door to your room closes so you can have privacy.

Knowing that day is around the corner, when I see the pureness and delight you take in your body’s movements, it doesn't just gratify me; it saddens me a little too. I know these days of blissful self-assurance are a gift of early childhood. Most of us end up feeling disconnected from our bodies and develop the “bad habits” my physical therapist warns against. I don’t want that to happen to you.

Even more sadly, our world defines girls by their physical appearance, and as a result many girls become painfully self-conscious of their bodies and angst-ridden that they don't measure up to ideals of beauty. Right now, your greatest pleasure is prancing around in your princess gowns and sparkly jewels. I fear the day when you look at the princesses and ballerinas whom you admire so much now and find yourself lacking.

Of course your father and I do our best to help you cultivate a healthy lifestyle that will ensure continued well-being and joyous activity. And we take as our guide Judaism which teaches us to enjoy our senses, to take pleasure in the physical world, and to attend to the bodies we’ve been given. Our tradition believes that our lives are on loan to us from God. For the short time we are here, we must treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, and allow ourselves the entirety of our bodily experiences.

While there may be much about my own life that I have wasted, I don’t take a moment of your life for granted. I pray you will know always the wholeness of body and mind of this stage of your life. Meanwhile, I share with you these reflections, so that one day in the future, if you ever need the prompting, these words can trigger a spiritual and physical memory about the wondrous days when you fully lived in your body. It is an awesome sight to behold.

I love you,

Mommy